THE BONASSUS

Monkey menace worsens? "Monkey Thinks Robotic Arm into Action"

Koko kinky? "Gorilla Foundation Rocked By Breast Display Lawsuit"

Finally, as long as we're on the theme of man vs. nature, consider this key paragraph from Slate's review of the new Jose Canseco tell-all:

Canseco was grief-stricken. He walked to his bedroom closet and pulled out a Street Sweeper machine gun. Canseco says he used the gun to shoot sharks when he went deep-sea fishing—an image so comic that we'll put it aside for now. Anyway, Canseco had the Street Sweeper and was ready to do himself in when a tiny noise called him forth from despair. "Something had decided that it wasn't my time yet," he writes. Maybe it was his infant daughter. Maybe God. Or maybe—and this is just a hunch—it was the steroids, calling to save their champion.