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Thursday, August 19, 2004

A Global Plot Revealed 

Careful readers of The Bonassus will have noticed a certain unseemly fascination with monkeys, as well as a more creditable concern for the people of Sudan.

Little did I suspect, however, that these two interests would reveal a global conspiracy of lower primates to destroy mankind's faith in the modern grocery system!

Take a look at this report from the highly-suspect news.com.au:
HORDES of monkeys are running wild in the Sudanese state capital Kassala, attacking women and children and looting shops for food, Al-Anbaa newspaper reported today.

The groups are going on the rampage in two suburbs of the city, close to the frontier with Eritrea, the newspaper said.

The monkeys launch "organised attacks which last several hours", targeting "bakeries and grocery stores".

They attack women and children, run into homes, "breaking kitchen utensils and snatching food from the children" and open the doors of refrigerators to get at the food inside, according to one resident, Salah Osman al-Khedr.

He put the phenomenon down to the wholesale cutting down of trees which has deprived the monkeys of their sole source of food.

The attacks start at dawn and sometimes last until dusk, he said.
Remind you of anything? The recent "Darla the Monkey" grocery store attacks obsessively regurgitated here and here, perhaps?

It's happening in Sudan. It's happening in Brooklyn. In India. In Japan. Your town could be next.

So next time you go to the grocery store, remember to gird your loins. And thank your lucky stars for -- THE BONASSUS!

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